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It is fully protected under the copyright laws of the United States of America, and of all countries covered by the International Copyright Union (including the Dominion of Canada and the rest of the British Commonwealth), and of all countries covered by the Pan-American Copyright convention and the Universal Copyright Convention, and of all countries with which the United States has reciprocal copyright relations. I mean, maybe I could be more like her.ĬAUTION: Professionals and amateurs are hereby warned that Beer Girl is subject to a royalty. Maybe we should give it one more try, Bob.
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It’s what she wants.įLO: You know, this really is a beautiful gesture. But it will require a sacrifice.īEER GIRL: I want to be one with you. physical union.įLO: You didn’t make her anatomically correct?īEER GIRL: There’s still a way. Together.īOB: Then … why can’t we be together?īEER GIRL: When you made me, Bob … you forgot one thing.īEER GIRL: One important feature. Maybe … maybe if I kiss her.įLO: Oh, right, like maybe if you kiss her she’ll justīOB: My love brought her to life! It's a miracle!įLO: Back off, you aluminum bitch! He’s mine!įLO: It’s not fair! How can you love some liquid freak like her, but not me!įLO: If you acted like an adult every once in a while, I wouldn’t have to nag!īOB: See! Did you hear that?! You’re trying to kill her, and she wants you to be happy! Don’t you feel a little petty?!īEER GIRL: Both of you. Just wanted to make sure.īOB: No, not yet, but I prayed about this. We never talked about it.īOB: Do you want children?įLO: I didn’t think so. Right? If you’re going to sober up and get a job …īOB: Whoa! Who said anything about a job?įLO: Don’t you think she’ll want to stay home with the children.įLO: You are going to have childrenaren’t you? With your soulmate?īOB: I … I don’t know. We were both drunk.įLO: Are you gonna give it up too? You know what they say about drinking alone. Our first time was in the back of my dad's pickup truck ‘cause you were too cheap to pay for a hotel.īOB: You’re not my soulmate. Not in front of you.īOB: I want the first time to be special.įLO: Oh, c’mon, Bob, don’t get all sentimental. Have sex with the giant aluminum cupie doll.īOB: I don't think she'll go for that. Right? I mean, that’s what soulmates do.įLO: Do her. I mean, you made me do it every friggin’ night.įLO: If she’s your soulmate, you’ll have to do her sometime. I’ll disappear.įLO: You always said sex was an important part of any relationship. The two of you can get back to your little honeymoon or whatever this is. I haven’t been smoking anything.įLO: All right, look, I’ll make a deal with youokay? Prove to me that you’re serious about this thing with Beer Girl, and I’ll leave you alone. But I’ve been praying.īOB: I get down on my knees and everything.īOB: Beer Girl has opened my eyes to the magic of the universe.īOB: Nothing. I'll make pancakes.įLO: You’re in love with this little beer-sculpture?īOB: She’s more than that.
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Keep it down.įLO: Where is she? The little tramp! Ah-hah!īOB: Why did Michelangelo make David? Why did da Vinci make the Mona Lisa?įLO: This is so pathetic! You couldn’t have me, so you made yourself a fake girl!īOB: What? No! This has nothing to do with you!īOB: Why else are you here, if not to lure me back?!įLO: Come home. But … if I tried to kiss you … would that beįLO: Open up, Bob! I know you’re in there!īOB: No! No more talking! I hate talking!įLO: Why not? Is someone else in there? Do you have some whore in there with you?!įLO: Oh my god! You do! I’m gonna kick your alcoholic ass, Bob! You hear me?! Open this door! Right now!īOB: There’s no one here, Flo. Before, it was always just how fast can I get them in the sack, you know, there was no real connection, no love, but with you. I've never had anything like this before. Some mythological creature of beauty and light and goodness. I’m a complete loser, and you’re … you’re perfect in every way. I mean, it’s okay if you don’t feel the same way. From that very first beer can, I knew we had something special. I’ve loved you from the moment you started to take form. I know I just made you and everything, and it’s only been a few days, but I can’t help it. I mean, I hope it doesn’t make you uncomfortable.